There are many things Doechii has gotten from God, including the name of her Grammy-winning mixtape and the lifesaving phrase “I am Doechii.”
In her cover interview for The Cut, she explains God told her to name the mixtape Alligators Never Heal, noting, “I know that God will reveal to me what it means later.” The phrase, she adds, came to mind after a moment where she had considered suicide.
“I don’t want to get super-dark,” she starts. “I was getting bullied so bad that I was thinking about killing myself. I realized, ‘Oh, f***, I’m gonna kill myself and then I’m gonna be the only one dead.’ The bullies aren’t gonna be with me, and everything they said is not coming with me either. I would just be gone,” she recalls. “And then I was like, ‘F*** that! F*** that s***! I’m not going for that!”
“And this wash of peace came over me, and I received ‘I am Doechii.’ But it was more like this feeling of — I made a choice, a decision,” she continues. “I am the most important character in this movie. This is my motherf****** movie.”
Doechii’s “movie” has consisted of vulnerability, which she notes she is something she sometimes wants to dial back. “I have moments where I am worried … but I don’t give a f*** because I know that in the end, it’s going to pay off more for me to be real,” she says.
“The feeling that I have when I listen to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is the same feeling I want some other Black little girl to have when she listens to me,” Doechii adds. “And in order for her to have that feeling, I have to talk about my feelings.”
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